Feeling your Feelings

 

I was once facilitating a group in the hospital when a patient wandered in and asked what the topic was for the day. When I answered, “emotions”, he (jokingly) paused and turned on his heels to go back in the direction of his room. While he did decide to join the group, his reaction to the idea of talking about emotions was not surprising. Often, the topic of emotions or feelings leads to discomfort and a tendency to want to run in the other direction. Emotions or feelings can seem overwhelming, chaotic, or uncertain. In mainstream U.S. society, being labeled as an “emotional” person usually has a negative connotation. That means that we often learn to ignore, distract and disconnect from our emotional experience. In many cases, this response may have developed as a response to stressful or unpleasant emotional experiences, and it may have served you well for a time. However, over time, the more we try to disconnect, usually from the unpleasant emotions, you might notice that its harder to fully experience even the more pleasant emotions, meaning that you are missing out on feelings of joy, excitement, and pleasure. Further, you will probably find that the unpleasant emotions haven’t really gone anywhere, you’ve just gotten really good at ignoring them. You might find that they then pop up at inconvenient times and then find yourself experiencing a whole range of other emotions in response to those emotions. It can be quite exhausting! If you find that any of the above resonates with you might be wondering why you would want to start to reconnect with those emotions and or how you would even go about it.

First, let’s talk about why we have emotions. We can think of our feelings as signals or data points that are communicating to us and those around us. They are telling us about what we like or don’t like, what makes us feel safe, and when our boundaries have been crossed. Our emotions also motivate us for action, so while we may not enjoy a feeling of being anxious, it is often motivating us to do something, be it prepare for something like a test or presentation, or to leave a dangerous situation. Also, as mentioned earlier, if we tend to avoid the unpleasant feelings, we may find ourselves missing out on the full range of emotions that our human experience has to offer. If you find those as compelling enough reasons to really want to connect back with your emotions, I invite you to think about your emotions as not “good” or “bad” but simply a part of us that is trying to communicate important information, and help us connect with the people and world around us.

Next, allow yourself time, even if just a few seconds at a time, to sit and notice what you’re feeling, even if it feels uncomfortable at first! Is there perhaps a tightness in your chest when you feel anxious, a heaviness that accompanies sadness, or a warmth when you feel joy? Give yourself permission to experience your emotions and recognize that you don’t have to act on anything in the moment, you can simply notice and label your experience. As you grow more comfortable in your practice you may find that you can notice your emotions and label them with more ease, that they feel less dangerous, and that you are more present and engaged in your life and in your relationships.

If this all seems like too much or you find yourself struggling to (re)connect with your emotions, you may find individual therapy helpful as a way to begin to welcome all of your emotions, rather than run in the other direction. If you find that therapy might be helpful in reconnecting with your emotions, Behavioral Health Clinic is here to help and support you on your journey toward emotional well-being. View our team of caring professionals here.