House Lannister and Its Need For Family

 

Despite the ending of Game of Thrones occurring in May 2019 (and being lackluster at best), something that has always stood out to me is the way characters interact with one another. For the purposes of this post, we will be limiting our scope of characters to the immediate Lannister family (Tywin, Jaime, Cersei, and Tyrion), as well as some of their interactions with other characters important to their arcs, namely to reinforce the ideas of how they communicate and how therapy could’ve served them. Anyone who has watched the show will surely tell you that this family needed the most amount of care possible.

We’ll start with the head of House Lannister, Tywin. Tywin is a hard man, forced from a young age to be cunning after his father made the house appear weak. Moments of tenderness are not his forte and Tywin excels at military strategy due to the impersonal nature of it. Tywin tends to have the best relationship with Jaime, his eldest son and heir. Despite being the best relationship he has with his kids, Jaime and Tywin do not see eye to eye on much. Tywin is concerned about family legacy and making sure his children do as they are told for the betterment of House Lannister. This includes pressuring Jaime to renounce his vows to the Kingsguard (which has never been done) and lecturing him on legacy numerous times. When Jaime refuses to comply, Tywin threatens to disown him.

Tywin’s relationship with Cersei is not much better, due to him viewing her as incompetent and the general approach to women in Westerosi society. Tywin uses Cersei to seal a pact with House Baratheon, marrying her to Robert against her will. Later in the show, Tywin announces his intention to marry her off to Loras Tyrell. Despite Cersei’s protests, Tywin pushes forward with the action. He scolds her for her son, Joffrey, and his outrageous behavior over the course of the series. Tywin claims she is a bad mother and uses her as a bargaining chip to secure other houses to their cause, while ignoring any input she may have on her own life or the direction the throne should take.

Tywin and Tyrion’s relationship is perhaps the most unhealthy of the three. This started when Tyrion was born, as his mother (and Tywin’s wife) died bringing him into the world. Due to this unfortunate occurrence, Tywin has always thrown spite and vitriol at Tyrion. Tywin takes credit for winning the Battle of the Blackwater, despite Tyrion doing most of the preparations and fighting. When Tyrion asks to inherit Casterly Rock (due to Jaime’s oaths as a Kingsguard, he can’t inherit lands or titles), Tywin cruelly shuts him down, calling him ungrateful. In season 4, the relationship continues to disintegrate when Tyrion is accused of murder. Tywin, despite knowing Tyrion is innocent, holds a farce trial and witnesses his own son be convicted. To Tywin’s credit, he never intended for Tyrion to die after the trial but instead was going to force him to work with the Night’s Watch. Tyrion escapes his cell and finds that Tywin has slept with his lover, Shae. Tywin and Tyrion have one last encounter, where Tywin continues to roll over Tyrion’s boundaries. After calling Shae a whore, Tyrion shoots Tywin with a crossbow bolt in retribution, killing him.

When it comes to Tywin’s treatment goals, the therapist should probably focus on the hyperfixation around legacy. Delving into the past might help bring up where the fixation came from, especially looking into childhood memories. What were his relationships like with his own parents? This could inform what parenting habits he carried over into his own relationships with his kids. Grief counseling over the death of his wife would be a must, as it directly impacts how he socializes with Tyrion. Another focus would be respecting autonomy and understanding that his kids have a right to their future as well. If Jaime is no longer able to inherit, why should Tyrion be excluded from the inheritance? Why is Cersei only a bargaining chip to marry off? Why does it need to be Jaime inheriting Casterly Rock in the first place? Challenging his thinking would go a long way in helping restructure his beliefs and attitudes around his children and their roles.

Moving away from Tywin, we now settle our focus on Jaime, the eldest son. Jaime is a knight of the Kingsguard, sworn to protect the king. Jaime is viewed as a villain due to him being a Lannister, as well as stabbing his former king in the back and therefore renouncing his kingsguard vows. Despite most of the world seeing him as an oathbreaker and turncloak, Jaime doubles down on his dastardly deeds for years before deciding he wants better. One of the bad habits he can’t seem to kick is his incestuous relationship with his sister, Cersei.

Jaime and Cersei became lovers from a young age and hid it from the family/Westeros ever since. The relationship itself is not a healthy one, with Cersei’s motivations not matching Jaime’s. For Jaime, it is a relationship with love and commitment. For Cersei, she uses manipulation to get what she wants from him. In the very first episode, she manipulates him into pushing a young boy out a window. Throughout the course of the show, her treatment of him worsens. She has no problem with insulting Jaime, questioning his character, and humiliating him to keep him in line. Secret keeping is a big aspect of their relationship and Cersei has no problems with lying to Jaime. This eventually causes Jaime to temporarily leave her, but he returns to her when he realizes she is in danger. They both meet their fate together, wrapped in each other’s arms.

Jaime and Tyrion’s relationship is perhaps the most healthy out of the family. Despite Tyrion’s birth killing his mother, Jaime is the only member of the family that doesn’t hold it against him. When Tyrion is imprisoned by Lysa Arryn, Jaime breaks from House Lannister’s plan in his haste to rescue him. Jaime and Tyrion spend time together, often drinking and talking, and both admire traits about each other. When Tyrion is imprisoned on false accusations, Jaime is one of the only people to visit him. Later, Jaime helps spring Tyrion out of jail. Their relationship sours after Tyrion kills Tywin, but Tyrion still reaches out to Jaime to negotiate a ceasefire. In the final season, they share a heartfelt goodbye when Tyrion releases Jaime to help get Cersei to safety. After the Battle of King’s Landing, Tyrion finds their bodies and is devastated by their deaths. Tyrion takes the opportunity to resign from Daenerys Targaryen’s services, facing death for his actions.

Jaime’s main focal points for counseling would be around finding his own identity and not falling into self-fulfilling prophecy. Just because people judge his choice to kill the Mad King doesn’t make him a monster. He doesn’t have to do what Tywin tells him. Couples counseling would also be recommended for him and Cersei, as their communication leaves a lot to be desired. Jaime should be taught how to recognize emotional manipulation and gaslighting. Establishing boundaries to help create some space away from the toxicity of Tywin and Cersei’s constant demands on who he should be as a person. It would be recommended that he finds friends to associate with outside of family. Cognitive restructuring would be useful to help improve his self-concept of who he is as a person.

Cersei and Tyrion’s relationship is the last that needs to be evaluated. Cersei has resented Tyrion ever since her mother died bringing him into this world. Her hate is evident from the start. She constantly belittles him, plots behind his back, and at one point sends an assassin to kill him. Cersei takes satisfaction from seeing Tyrion struggle and threatens the love of his life multiple times. When her son is killed, Cersei immediately blames Tyrion and is the catalyst for the farce trial. They don’t reunite until season 7, where Cersei has the chance to kill Tyrion in her office during negotiations. Cersei refrains from killing Tyrion, but lies to him about sending troops to aid in the fight against the White Walkers. Despite this lie, Tyrion later helps Jaime escape and leaves a boat for them to escape Westeros with. Neither Jaime nor Cersei reach the boat and Tyrion is devastated when he learns of their deaths.
Cersei would need therapy to work with her children on attachment style. Since Cersei lost her mother at a young age, she struggles with parenting her own children in a way that is effective and fair. We would work through her trauma at the loss of her mother and use cognitive restructuring to help with her anger towards Tyrion. The sexism around Westeros would be addressed and how that creates barriers for her as a person. There would need to be couples counseling for her and Jaime to help with communication and limit gaslighting tendencies, as well as infidelity on her end. Depending on the timeline of when the counseling takes place, there may need to be grief counseling for the deaths of her kids and father.

Tyrion’s work would focus on abandonment issues and self-love, which would most likely be individual therapy. It is evident that due to his family’s criticisms, he blames himself for his mother’s death. Grief counseling would be beneficial in this area (also individual). Processing his negative coping skills (namely drinking and promiscuity) and his failed relationship with Shae would be beneficial to help him address these concerns in the future. Possible family therapy might be needed, without both Cersei and Tywin in the room together (due to high risk of triangulation). It might be best to start the therapy in order due to the degree of abuse and how his childhood played a massive part in where he ended up. A more tricky (but nonetheless important) topic would also be the marriage to his first wife, Tysha, and how that ultimately set the stage for much of the hostility to follow.

After reading this, it is plain to see that House Lannister is a complicated family. From backstabbing to attempted murder, each member has something they would need to work on in a therapeutic setting. If therapy had been offered in Westeros, it is interesting to see just how much would have changed for the fates of these characters and their relationships with each other. Luckily, we do not live in Westeros. If you or a loved one are in need of family therapy, please reach out to BHC either over the phone at (855) 607–8242 or over email at appointments@bhclinic.com.