The Double Empathy Problem

 

For years society has operated on the deficit model of connection and empathy for autistic individuals. Dr. Damian Milton proposed, “What if it isn’t actually that autistic people struggle with empathy, but what if allistic (non-autistic) and autistic people don’t understand each other’s displays of emotion and empathy?” (Milton, 2012). Hence the name “Double Empathy Problem.”

It’s not a problem with having double the amount of empathy; rather both parties having a problem (Milton, 2012). His idea can be likened to two people who speak different languages that share the same initial origin. Some things come across but not everything. Milton (2012) states, “If one can apply a label on the ‘other’ locating the problem in them, it also resolves the applier of the label’s ‘natural attitude’ of responsibility in their own perceptions…” Meaning that allistic folks have more or less dodged responsibility in their interactions with autistic folks through “othering” them and seeing themselves as “normal.” It allows allisitic folks to expect autistic folks to be able to “speak their language” of empathy but not having to invest the time or energy in learning the “autistic language” of empathy. Milton also made the observation that “autistic people have indeed gained a greater level of insight into non-AS society, and more than vice versa, perhaps due to the need to survive and potentially thrive in a non-AS culture. Conversely, the non-AS person has no pertinent personal requirement to understand the mind of the ‘autistic person’ unless closely related socially in some way” (Milton, 2012).

While research shows that autistic folks struggle with certain aspects of empathy, it fails to demonstrate consistent findings (Cheang et al., 2025). What it does show is that information passed within similar neurotypes (autistic to autistic neurotype or allistic to allistic neurotype) was more accurate than mixed neurotype interactions (Cheang et al., 2025). This again proves that there is not a lack of empathy, it’s simply different. Research also shows that autistic folks are more comfortable expressing themselves and feel less stressed when interacting with others who are also autistic (Cheang et al., 2025). This feeling of being safer within one’s own neurotype is once again backed by research that demonstrates that allistic folks have a harder time identifying emotions of autistic individuals in photos and rate the emotions expressed by autistic individuals as more intense (Cheang et al., 2025). Another factor that can hinder understanding between neurotypes is alexithymia. If someone is experiencing alexithymia they may not display emotions in a way that seems “natural” to others, and therefore may come across as less intense (Cheang et al., 2025). All of these factors can impact the accuracy of empathy between allistic and autistic people.

The impacts on the autistic community are clear. When seeking mental health treatment, if an autistic individual presents as “coping” they may not receive the treatment they are looking for. Allistic providers may lack the empathetic accuracy needed to understand how autistic clients and patients express their emotions or even how they communicate in general (Cheang et al., 2025). Without proper support, this can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation in autistic folks increasing the probability for depression, self-harm, and suicidality while decreasing self-esteem (Cheang et al., 2025).

So, with a general understanding what the Double Empathy Problem is and the consequences it has for neurodivergent people, what happens now? If you identify as autistic: Practice self-compassion! Remind yourself that the way you experience the world is accurate to you! Yes, it might make interacting with others difficult at times, and you are not broken. If you are interacting with someone who is allistic, their brain just processes things differently. If possible, connect with other autistic folks to create a community to reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation. Of course, seek out a mental health provider that understands the Double Empathy Problem and is willing to explore that looking like you are coping does not mean it feels like you are coping.

If you identify as allistic (non-autistic): Research shows that it may be more difficult for you to practice perspective-taking with someone who is autistic; however it is worth trying! Everyone deserves to be respected and feel heard. Remind yourself that your brains are processing things differently than a neurodivergent brain, and watch out for unintentional bias. Looking out for unintentional bias can sound like asking yourself questions about what snap judgements are being made about the person you are talking to.

Understanding starts when we recognize that communication goes both ways. Learn how embracing different perspectives can help us build more empathetic, inclusive, and meaningful connections.

Check out the Double Empathy Problem resources here.